fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
