Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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