do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
