he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
