im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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