I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
