I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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