I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
