your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize