WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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