The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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