i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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