wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
