you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Terrible idea I love it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize