So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
