yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
