Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
