Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone signed my nipple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize