Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
