All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
