Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
