I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
