We're facebook friends in real life
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize