OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
