go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
