Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
