Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
