im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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