I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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