she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize