Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
