I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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