don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
