i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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