So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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