I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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