Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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