I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
