I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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