So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
