I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
