im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
