I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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