he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
