Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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