Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
