On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
