I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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