So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
