I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
