i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
