If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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