before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize