so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
