Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
