Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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