i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
