Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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