The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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