Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
