respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize