ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
