Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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