my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
