Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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