We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
youre lurking in front of me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
