I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
