The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
