Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
