You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
