this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
