apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
