There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
