Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
