Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
