i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There are leaves in my underwear?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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