Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize