margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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