CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
