He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
