What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm at about main and main street
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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