I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
