Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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