I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
