I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
