Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
