My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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