i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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