first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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