what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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