our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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