Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
