I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
