TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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