you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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