Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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