i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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