You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
