Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
