Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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