tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
