Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
