Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
