u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
