Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
