margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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