I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
