id be glad to
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
