The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize