Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
